I sat across the table from him waiting for him to resume his story. He was sobbing, tears running down his face and dropping from his chin. He was a former college football player. Fully grown now and nearing his retirement from his career in education.
We were at a cabin in the woods near Park City, Utah. We had spent the last day together, along with his wife, and other adult siblings and spouses. The group had asked me to facilitate their family couples’ retreat, and I had put together the agenda of activities, meals, location and all other details. When describing what I do, I may respond that I facilitate change and growth. I am a change agent for others. I have the conversations and ask the questions that others find difficult to have in their own families or businesses. In this instance, the group was five adult siblings and their spouses.
Our theme of the retreat was centered in how to pass their knowledge and experience on to the next generation. Their children were grown and having children of their own, and this generation was worried about whether they had raised their kids with “enough”. Enough knowledge. Enough grit. Enough wisdom to keep going. To facilitate this question throughout the entire retreat, I planned every activity to maximize their ability to pass more than just knowledge to their families. Every meal would include a time for every attendee to share a personal story about a particular event or moment in their lives. I would record the stories and give them to the group after the event so they could share them with the younger generations. We were in one of those meal story sessions.
I had labeled this breakfast “Bitter Lessons with Breakfast”. I wanted each member of the group to share a lesson they had learned in life the hard way. Something that had really challenged their resolve. Discuss what it did to challenge them, then share with the group how they got through the challenge. These types of lessons are rarely shared with family members because when we swallow bitter pills in life, the last thing we tend to want to do is share them and talk about it with others (especially family).
In this case, it had brought this family’s loudest laughing, always joking, making-others-smile big brother to his breaking point. He struggled to form the words and we all shared the moment with him. I would guess it was the first time he had ever shared this story with the group.
He told us a story from his childhood. An interaction he had with his father during high school. This man had been a solid football player in high school. He had worked hard enough and become good enough to be recruited by several colleges to play football. When pressed by his father about his future desires and plans in life, he told his father of his dream to play professional football. He had seen the fruits of his labors in getting a scholarship to a prestigious university to play, and he was sure that he could continue to grow and develop enough to become a player in the NFL. That was as far as he had gotten in his story before pausing and breaking down in front of us all. We waited patiently, allowing all the past feelings to come to the surface and giving him a chance to fully process the moment in his past. He then proceeded to tell us of his father’s response to his plan for life. He said, “My dad looked at me and said, “Son, you’re not good enough. You will never make the NFL.””
Sharing that phrase with us increased the sobbing into a flood of emotion and tears. His story continued as he explained that hearing that from his father placed inside of him a wall of such self-doubt and pain that he began his college career believing that he would never be able to get the the NFL level of play. The belief spread to other parts of his life. He began a trend of self-sabotage and created habits that reaffirmed the belief that he wasn’t good enough and didn’t deserve good things in his life. He shared how the belief affected his friend selection, friendships, school work, life choices, and even continued into his married life as a husband and father.
He explained that the belief had stayed with him for decades, ever limiting the things he felt he could accomplish in life. He told us that his brother-in-law, who had actually created the retreat with me, had been a strong influence in helping him combat that self-sabotaging belief. He shared his gratitude to the family for their patience in loving him during those challenges and rough times in his past. He ultimately had decided, decades after being told of his inadequacy by his father, that he would live life as a victor, and not as a victim. He chose to be the best version of himself. He chose a new path. He chose growth. He chose the path of victory.
At the time, I had been playing around with designing a curriculum to help people become their best selves. I had trained several families and businesses in decisions to make that would help them live life at their fullest. Results from the groups were positive. Many people were coming back to me and telling me that they felt they were seeing better results in their lives than they had seen ever before. Hearing this story was a confirmation to me that I needed to get my message organized and out to the world.
That message is this: You’re NOT good enough. You are WAY better than that.
Read that again.
That’s right. I said you are NOT good enough.
You are so much MORE than good enough.
Stop telling yourself you aren’t good enough.
Stop telling yourself you are good enough.
Begin to tell yourself the truth: You are excellence. You are magnificent. You are abundance. You are a miracle. You are a being of creation. You are so much more than enough.
Don’t believe me? Just do one thing for me right now. Take a deep breath. Hold it for 5 seconds. Exhale.
Do you have any idea what just happened inside your body? Do you know how many muscles you just moved? Do realize that the air you just inhaled is now inside you, oxygenating your cells, flowing to all parts of your body, bringing life to your brain. Nothing that just happened in your body was “enough” to keep you alive. It was high performance. It was abundance.
Your body creates abundance. You create abundance. And that was just from taking a single breath.
What would happen if you realized that you can create abundance in your life?
You can create abundance in your business. You can create abundance with your employees. You can create abundance with your family. Put aside the thoughts that things are good enough. Your life is miraculous. Own it.
It’s time to embrace excellence.
Don’t know where to start? Take your first step and let’s talk. Schedule a time to meet with me and we can discuss how you can maximize the most transformative process known to humankind: the coaching process.
As always, remember, One Step Up Makes All the Difference.